The Emo Syndrome: Common Symptoms and Cures.



Emo. In theory, this is short for "emotional", but apparently it stands for "emotional hardcore", as in a type of music. At least according to Wikipedia, anyway, because we all know Wikipedia is the ultimate solution to every dispute.

Anyway, upon meditating on the meaning of "emo" I have theorized the symptoms displayed when one is "emo". Prepare yourselves!

Symptom 1: Anime Controls their Lifestyle



Don't get me wrong, I like anime, but some emo people choose to let anime completely influcene their lives. Here's how you can spot an anime emo kid:
    Their hair hangs directly down in varying types of strands.

This is obvious enough. They want to think they have anime hair. True anime hair is damned near impossible on real people. Stop trying. Oh, and on another note, Vegeta's hair is COMPLETELY impossible. Don't even think about it.
    They act depressed all the time.

This is common among all emo types, but it particuarly obvious with anime emo kids. They watch anime or read manga with main characters that are very distant. They attempt to duplicate this personality style. A good example would be Tsukasa from .hack//SIGN, who has a perfectly good reason to be depressed, but emo kids tend to just act like this to get attention. I hate to break it to you, but people in the real world don't give a shit. You're not living in an anime, wake up.
    They speak Japanenglish

Some perfectly reasonable people do this occasionally, but emo anime fans do it excessively. They try to speak Japanese, thinking it makes them cool, then they forget a word (read: All but 3) and start talking in English. Hence, Japanenglish.

Symptom 2: They're Not Capable of Independant Though



This is easy to spot. This is your most common emo type. They blindly follow others. People often confuse this with a goth, but we all know the main difference: Goths don't give a damn, emo kids think it's "cool" to act EXACTLY like other emo kids. These are easy to find, as they usually come in large groups.

Sympton 3: Total Insanity (read: Attention Whore)



These are rare, because these people require total absense of a brain. These are the ones that cut their wrists because it "helps them with the emotional pain". Yeah, let's see you say that when you're bleeding to death. You people really need to wake up to reality and, ya know, MOVE ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIVES. Seriously. Mutilating yourself isn't going to make you attactive, that's for sure. Blood-stained clothes don't help for making people think you're sane, either.

Now, as with any disease, we need a cure. There's several ways to cure each symptom:
    The Bitch-slap

Short and to the point. Slap them as hard as you can, and then slap them again. An optional feature here is to talk to them afterwards and set them strait that being emo is for fucktards.
    Take Away Their CD Collection and Burn it.

If someone is emo, chances are they have an emo music collection. Usually these are the people suffering from Symptom 2. Burn their CDs in a massive bonfire and buy them something worth listening to. The music selected is at the discretion of the person delivering the cure.

    Wait until they fall asleep, and then cut their hair.

Once again, it's easy to spot emo hair. If it's horrid and without a unique style, it is emo. Ridding them of their hair will free them, as emo thoughts are concentrated into the ends of their bangs.

    Take away their knives.

If they can't cut themselves, they'll either snap out of it or kill themselves. Either way, you win.
    Light them on fire.

This is a last resort. If they survive, they'll thank you, because they'll realize how stupid they've been.

That's it for now. I might update this article as time goes on.

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