Do the Power Rangers a damned favor and retire them.




Let's face it. When Power Rangers first came on, the kicked more ass than anyone ever will, you got that? That's why I do SoaH Rangers, because the original series kicked ass. SoaH Rangers is my attempt to turn Power Rangers into something respectable again.

First off, you have five teenagers who get chosen to protect the world from evil monsters. Simple good vs. evil, much like Transformers, which also kicks ass. You get giant robots, too, which transform into one robot, once again, similar to the king of the ass-kickings: The Transformers. The difference? The Power Rangers are more like super heroes, and as a rabid comic book junkie, superheroes appeal to me. And part of being a kick-ass superhero or team of superheroes, you need kick-ass costumes, and the Rangers had that. The original costumes kicked so much ass. If I had the money, I'd buy a replica of ANY of those helments.

There is one thing, however, that will drag a kick-ass series down. But we'll get to that later, right now, it's time for a related topic: Rabid Power Rangers Fans.

A "Rabid Power Rangers Fan" is someone who is overly obssesed with any and all Power Rangers series, even to the point that they will WEAR A MORPHER IN PUBLIC. I love Power Rangers, I really do, but I draw the line as carrying a morpher in public. Now if it had a built-in clock or something, then yeah, I might, but other than that, hell no. I'd love to have a classic morpher mounted on a wall, though.

I once saw some Power Morphers thjat you can wear as belt buckles like in the original series. My friend Pete stated the obvious: "If you wore that I'd have to pretend I didn't know you or beat your face in with a shovel, one."
Now here's another reason the original series kicked ass: The Green Ranger. Hell yes. He was the badass to end all badasses, until he became a good guy and slowly became a wuss. Then he bcame the White Ranger, who had a kick-ass Zord but a talking sword. What the hell? A talking sword? Forget that shit. Bring back the Green Ranger, dammit! They did in one episode, but I completely forgot how it ended. The White and Green Rangers fought and that was all I remembered.

Then of course, there was the movie, which kicked ass. Ivan Ooze was a kick-ass villian, even more so than Lord Zedd before they made him into a pansy too. After the movie, the original series, despite having the best run out of all the series, started to decline. They shoulda just picked from the movie rather than screwing up the awesomeness of the movie.

Now, the killer of Power Rangers: The fucking milking of the series.

It started with Zeo, and Zeo was actually pretty damn cool. Then you realize that they've become lazy. Where there was over 140 episodes in the original series, we are reduced to 50 because they are too lazy to make new footage. They brough back Jason, which kicked ass, but then the series just seemed to end rather abruptly. And then Rita and Zedd became comedy relief rather than somewhat cool villans (Zedd was more kick-ass alone).

Then the shit goes down. We get Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. When I first watched it, I was too young to realize that it SUCKED ASS. The only thing I liked is when Rita laughed at Divatox for being stupid enough to step up to the Rangers.

Then they do the series. It sucked ass too.

Now we get to "Space", the final frontier, these are the voyages of dumbasses who think that ripping off Star Trek will automatically make things sell. The last two episodes did kick ass, however, despite being extremely corney with wussy boy Andross' sister getting killed, only to be brought back to life. The true tragedy of the last episode is that the saga didn't end there. The Pyscho Rangers were also kick-ass and had some badass costumes. I heard that Adam came in and morphed into the Black Ranger in the episode Always a Chance, which I really want to see.

Now presenting: LOST GALAXY! This one was just weak. The costume designs were terrible and the plot made no sense. This series started a tradition: Team-up episodes. This one featured the Space and Lost Galaxy Rangers teaming up to take down the Pyshco Rangers, and that was pretty good. Other than that, the series sucked.

Now we are treated to Lightspeed Rescue, which spawned a hatred of Power Rangers in me, as well as spawning the SHITTIEST N64 GAME TO EVER APPEAR. Power Rangers games kicked ass before this ass of a game was released. This is where I gave up hope on Power Rangers for a while. Even the team-up episode sucked ass.

Then came Time Force, which I didn't even bother with. I give them credit for having some pretty good costumes.

Now we get to Wild Force, which looked shiity as well, then I saw the advertisement: "Forever Red." After a good year of searching, I found this godly episode and worshiped it's power. Forever Red was the most kick-ass 23 minutes of your life that you'll ever spend, except for the way Serpentera is destroyed, which sucked. Forever Red game me some hope that the franchise was salvagable.

How deluded I was.

Power Rangers Ninja Storm had great costume designs, but it sucked ass. There was a Green Samurai Ranger, which kicked ass, but the series STILL SUCKED ASS. I watched a few episodes and hated them.

The series then decided to fulfill my hope: A DECENT SERIES.

Power Rangers: Dino Thunder has great costumes and more than a few good episodes, not to mention the villian is probably the most badass one since Lord Zedd, despite fighting for bodily control with an asshole who's trying to eliminate that evil side. Tommy is back, and surprisingly he's cooler than before. He starts off as just being there to help the Ranger's with their strategies, and I was cool with that. Then Tommy was abucted by Mesogog and the Rangers broke him out, and he snagged the black dino gem. Tommy kicks ass as the Black Ranger. They even made a joke over how they always wear the color of their Ranger outfit. We got to see a complete re-cap of the saga in one episode, which kicked ass, then we got the kick-ass White Ranger, who was actually on-par with the original Green Ranger for being a grade-A ass-kicker. My favorite episode of this is Fighting Spirit. Tommy fights for his life in his subconcious without the ability to morph, and has to fight all his previous Ranger forms. He kicks the ass, then gets his shit ruined by the Green Ranger. Awesome.

But if only that would be the end, no, the new series is out there. If not on the air, then in toys. The costume designs SUCK. It looks like Space crossed with Turbo. LAME. I hope to god the costumes are made up with a good story. Somehow I doubt it, since it seems to be another damn space series. I heard that Power Rangers will end this year. Please, be wise, you Dinsey facists who took over the series, KILL THE SERIES.

That's about it. Now you know why SoaH Rangers exists. For my own satisfaction that at one time, Power Rangers was the best thing on T.V.

Some people notice that my philosiphy is that "As long as it's good I don't care how much the milk it." Try and say I'm contradicting myself by using that against me and you'll win a good ol' fashioned ass-kicking. Power Rangers isn't good anymore, now that Dino Thunder is gone.
I don't want to hear from any whiney fanboys about this either. This is what I think, if you don't like it, don't read it and get the hell off of my website.

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